They warned us about learning to love your students in COE ( college of ed) and yet they never tell you how much it hurts, when you loose them.
At this point in my carrier, which was now in its 7th year, I didn’t like my job. I almost quit, but part of me wanted to stay just to see where it was headed. Well it headed in the direction of the opposite end of the district and to a school that was so big, it needed two coordinators and a specialist. I would be secondary to the main person, who welcomed me. I was the coordinator to the 4th-5th grade classroom, that had its own space on the opposite end of campus that was connected to the library. Technically it was the library’s meeting room. We could decorate the walls all we wanted, but the tables and chairs, and our things had to be put away fully into the cabinets and shelves each and every night.
I was told the girls in the library were pistils, that they didn’t like anyone, but I won them over. When that space needed to be occupied, we were sent to use the smaller meeting rooms in the library. I didn’t mind. I was happy again. Don’t get me wrong, i missed my kiddos, but I had a smaller group of kids to keep track of, and my own little world.
I was happy in terms of less stress and I worked with a good team. Course the 4th-5th graders were always completely separate from the others, and so was I and my staff member. She and I became fast friends. We were both married, and trying to have babies. It was a perfect match.
I must have lost all my stress from my old site, because before I knew it, I was pregnant. Well technically I got pregnant over fall break. However, the less stress, kept me pregnant. I was so happy with the news, when I shared it with my coworker, she acted happy for me, but deep down was not happy.
Here’s the thing about the mangers. Remember I said they had favorites, that got special treatment. If you got married, or were pregnant, you got a huge celebration at one of the meeting for the coordinators. Me, no one celebrated me. In fact when my staff membered complained that she wanted to switch sites due to she couldn’t stand to see me pregnant and not her, I almost got reprimanded for it. Are you kidding me? I am being told to tone it down a little bit for others sake who cant get pregnant right now ( that included one of the managers, who ended up having twins a year later,) and not glow so much. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This was the happiest time of my life and they were punishing me for it.
I didn’t understand it. I just didn’t. I went through my pregnancy from then on just doing my job, even when I became as big as a balloon. When the school year ended, and it was time for summer program to start, I kept on working. I taught summer school again, and worked for the drama program as the set and costume design director. The Director and I got a long so well, she and the kids even gave me a speech at the end of the performance and flowers. I felt wanted again. Its all about going up and down with those emotions at work. I wasn’t strong enough back then to handle it all. I wish the person I am now could be there back than. Maybe the managers would have appreciated me more. Course now I really could care less. I really feel no hate or anger towards them at all anymore, just feel like they need to get their heads examined and their hearts put back together. I only had two of the four, but they were the worst of the bunch it would seem.
It was in July that my new manager came into one of my classrooms before summer class started, and told me that I wouldn’t be returning to my 4th-5th grade room. I was being sent to another site. They wanted to give me another chance. I felt excited, I felt appreciated again. It was then he told me the site, and all my hopes ran out the door. I knew what this meant. It was the site every coordinator feared. It was the site where coordinators go that forces them to quit.
Until the finale.
The TAWL Mom 