Standing there with no words. I felt like the world was ending. I could have said no. I could have refused. Maybe I could have told him him I didn’t want to go, that I wanted to stay one more year where I was. that the kids and I had a plan, and I wanted to see it through. That being gone the first three months of the year was not going to go well at a new site. It’s a fact.
I mean think about it. Most teachers ( classroom teachers) have a sub that will run their classroom for them, based on the actual curriculum and lesson plans they would give them. In an afterschool program that is so large, we all don’t run our programs the same way. Its what makes each and every site unique. We have our basic set of standards, but its not the same as the actual person. So even though I could have said no, and asked to stay where I was, it wouldn’t had made a difference. They were sending me there because they wanted to get rid of me. It was common knowledge amongst us coordinators that this one particular site had more than its share of problems and no coordinator ever lasted more than a year, 2 tops.
I was doomed. But I refused to be pushed out like that. I would do my best until I delivered to get the site ready. LOL. I had one week until it was training week, and until it was time to set up the site. He gave me that week to prepare and to get use to the environment. Want to know something Ironic. The site I was being sent to, was the site I began at. It no longer had the ELC program anymore, and it was strictly after school. I knew the principal and vice principal well, and some of the teachers. I was happy that they were good people and would treat me and my program fairly. And they did.
I was shown my space as I wobbled around 8 1/2 months pregnant. The MPR was a good size, but so not the best angle of set up. The door where the parents were to arrive, was down a hallway. Not right off the MPR. Plus there were multiple exits out of the MPR to watch for when the kids came in, and also (my personals unfavorite thing) the bathroom was through a door and down another hall. Unlike most MPRS where it was just attached to the MPRs main room and I could monitor the bathrooms better. It even had its own exit down further of the hall. GREAT. So many safty issues to worry about.
My second space was the Stage. Which had its own little office. This actually was my favorite part of this place. The stage was never used by the music department for any performances, so it was its own space for the program. So I could store shelves, cabinets, all our toys up their 24/7 and we didnt have to store it somewhere else. The office was small, but at least it was a little haven.
Talking to the Principal we also had access to another classroom, that was around the corner of one of the exits. Perfect, 4th and 5th grade space. Loved it. Now they did have to keep everything stored out of site because that room was used during the day.
It didn’t feel totally helpless yet. Now onto the lesson plan. Remember, I am a planner. The best one in the whole program ( NO ONE CAN TOUGH ME OR ARGUE THAT) and I had already planned this year entirely already. Thanks to my other 4th-5th graders. Little flash back, that school was known for being one of the most creative schools. They actually did a whole theme each and every year with all the teachers. They also would decorate the entire school in the theme. It is literally the best school. My favorite still to this day. So when they announced the following years theme in April, ( Around the World) we went to work. We chose to make our room into an Airport, and use the airport theme and make each places in our room based on an airport. The backpack area was BAGGAGE CLAIM, the Parent Area was the DEPARTURE AND ARRIVAL ZONE, etc, etc.
My binder was like 5inches thick. My boss told me that I could continue that plan with my new site, so that is what I planned on. I wanted time with my SUB, but he never gave it to me. So I texted her often about the plan for the year, but she was told (by my boss) that to do her OWN thing for the three months she was their, and that would be her try out for a Coordinator position. I didnt know any of this until it was too late. I went into labor on the 24th of July and had my daughter the following morning on the 25th.
Everyone was happy for me, and even posted Livi’s picture on the email group for all Coordinator. For three months, I was in heaven. I had the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world. I was with her and no one could separate us. Except for work in 3 months.
It was when I got back after fall break that i found out that nothing i wanted was done. That she totally screwed up a lot of stuff. I am sorry, but it is true. I had to redo everything. Center Positions, Squad area ( where we took attendance and announcements) etc. It was a learning curve, and I didn’t blame her at all. It’s like I said, everyone is different.
Plus when I got there, one of the staff in particular already got use to her, and from that point on didn’t like me. The other two, my boys, 🙂 however liked what I was doing with the program. At least I hope they did. They never told me otherwise. She however, complained all the time.
It was when I got home at the end of each day, that I felt relief and peace. With my baby girl it all made sense. I was afraid each and every day to go back into work, because I just didn’t feel the love for my job as I used to. Maybe its my boss’s fault, or maybe it was mine. I don’t know. It all went really wrong as I predicted. I wasn’t happy there, and it showed in my worked. I was tougher on the kids, and finally cracked in November ( or was it December?), I don’t remember. I tried my best, but my mind and heart were home with my baby. The years of stress and not being appreciated just were getting harder and harder to deal with.
Side Note: The girl staff quit and complained about me a little to my boss. I was happy to see her go, and someone very cool took her place. My boys, kept up the good work, and grew to be amazing staffers. One in particular is the Coordinator for that exact site, and he became the one Coordinator that made that place the place to be. I have to say I am so proud of him. I am glad he is doing well, and the site is doing well. Far better than I could have done for it. Not ashamed to admit it.
THE CRACK day I cracked was in front of the 4th and 5th graders. They were being cruel bullies to the younger kids, that I just snapped. I yelled. For the first time in my 15 years of teaching kids, 8 years with this district, I yelled. I just didn’t understand how they could act like that. I used my words, but they were loud.
A parent happened to walk in while I was doing it. Didn’t care and didnt think anything of it. It was two weeks later, when I realized how much I didnt like my job anymore ( wanted to be home with my baby) was the day when one of my Kinder kids decided to play peek a boo with the girls. Chasing after them and trying to see their Vaginas. I wrote him up and gave his pink slip to his dad. The mom was the woman who caught me yelling at the kids.
After that day, I stepped down as coordinator ( I admitted defeat) and became a club leader for another Coordinator at another school. For a whole week, maybe two I was happy again. I was the one just playing with the kids, and not having to run the entire site. Then I got the call into my old Boss’s office.
I went to the main district office to meet with him and he brought out a Parent Complaint about the yelling. I couldn’t believe it. I was already gone, I wasn’t there anymore, and I was being punished for it. Plus the mom waited almost a whole month to complain. This was about her son. His peek a boo write up, she didn’t want him to get suspended. Technically this was his 3rd write up, which would lead to him missing program for a week or two. They were both working parents, and didnt want that to happen. GREAT JUST GREAT.
Course, once again, I don’t blame her. I don’t blame my boss’s ( the guy and the girl), and I don’t blame myself. So many things were just going wrong, that it took its toll. I was done with it all anyways. I was ready to quit and become a full time mom. My husband had a good full time job now after finishing school ( that’s why i had to work full time) now I could be the homemaker and him the bread winner.
So when my boss said I could quit and leave on good terms, or I could be fired. Now here is the thing. Every time I was talked to, or was reprimanded for something little ( or even the big one) I cried. I was a cry baby. However this time, since I was just done with them, and the program, I just looked at him, said okay, stood up, took off my badge, handed it to him, and said “have a good life.”
Then I walked out. I didn’t care to go back to my site and get all my things, I didn’t care to even say goodbye to anyone. I just left. AND IT FELT GOOD. Who do they think they are, the way they treat their employees. They preach about being a family, that working together as a team, and respect, but they don’t follow through with that stuff.
It was after that I went back to one of my old fun jobs, not going to mention where, but I got my old part time job back. I was still working with kids, making teddy bears for them, and being a part of a real team, and family. It was years later, that an old employee friend of mine came into the store and saw me. We chit chatted for a bit. She asked me why I left there, and I told her. When I asked her when and why she left. She goes, “Lauren, I left around that same time. Because of the abuse that (our same boss) was giving her.” She had complained to our Director about him and he was going through his own reprimand. THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. He was so distance during those last couple of months. Plus whenever I did see him, he was not kind to me or even supportive. More than ususal.
So he was in trouble. For being abusive and according to her Stalking her. I don’t want to get into the details, it is non of my business, but that just explains so much.
Through out the years after that too, I have run into some of my other Managers, and even through a party for my Directors kid at the place in the mall. No heart feels, and he even said he had missed my smiling face. Which meant a lot.
They have these festivals in the spring, and We have been to a few, saying hi to my old co workers, but it just didnt feel right after the second time. I wasnt part of that world anymore, and I didnt care.
Now, for the big finish. I didn’t write all of this to make people think twice about working for them, or sending your kids there. Its the most amazing after school program and still the best District to send your kids to in the state. I just wanted to express my story on my journey through teaching. Because that is what any employee of any kind of school program is. TEACHER. You are making a difference in those kids lives each and every day, and I do miss that. I miss the kids I watched all the time. However I don’t miss the stress, and I don’t miss working for those people.
Its like Disneyland. You go there, the environment is wonderful, the cast members are always smiling and in character, but behind the scenes its all an act. That’s what it is for me and a bunch of my old co workers that have quit over the years. One Coordinator friend of mine, while I was working at the middle school program, said that ” Don’t get caught up in this world, it wont hesitate to spit you out when it gets the chance.”
He was right. They don’t care about their employees as much as they should. If they did, they would have given me a chance. They would have believed me about the thing with the girl, they would have stood up for me to the principal and set up a meeting to make it better, or even they would have kept me at the school I wanted and not sent me somewhere to fail. If you aren’t a favorite, you wont last.
Its okay. I AM OKAY. I am better okay. I have learned a lot over the years, and especially from that program. Its an amazing program for kids. Because it always has the kids best interest at heart. Just not its employees. DO I CARE. NO.
So why write this? So many people have been asking me, where I got my start, why did I leave? Well now the world knows. I have no heart feelings. I just want to express my past. It’s what a blog is for, to express.
Now I don’t know if any of my old co workers are reading this, and maybe you feel (felt) the same as me or maybe you had a better experience. I just wanted to tell my story.
Stay strong, stand up for what you believe in, and keep those kids happy and safe.
For now I am teaching the my babies myself. Hopefully next year, Livi can start Kinder and Will the year after that. I want them to go to the local school, but that’s if we are still in the area. We might move out to Gilbert or Chandler. It wont be because of my past with this district. If we find a house within its borders, I will not hesitate to send them to the school in that area. Like I said, its still a great district.
Will I work for them again. Probably not. Will I support them. YES. always will. My kids education is very important to me. I want only the best. Well see what happens.
Wish us luck. I hope everyone has enjoyed my teaching journey.
Until the next blog. This week we are continuing the DOCTOR THEME, and learning about the bones, heart, lungs, etc.
Later.
The TAWL Mom 